How long we can handle it?

On: 5:56 PM By: ArtLoveBeetleBugs 0 comments

Several days ago, I posted a journal about his absent. Nowadays both of us kindly report our update news, after we ‘break up or blank no news..’ for several days, I sent him a message that I would sent him sms just to make sure he won’t forget me (hehehee..), abis gw pusing gmn mo nunjukin ke dia ttg perhatian gw. Secara gw dah mati angin, never have kinda special relationship since high school, sometimes I felt kinda sorry for spending my time waiting in vain, padahal klo gw mau atw ga usah ngebandingin apa yg ada dengan si iceberg itu kayanya dunia gw bakal lebih bwarna, tapi emang takdir gw kok jd a loyalty lady hehehe.. (*narsis mode on*). Gile dah, sekarang gw dah ga inget ma iceberg, cm selintas aja ky reklame di bis gitu deh, ngga too much wishing lagi, hmm… but I’m still don’t know how to express my feeling, as I’m not that kind of warm n sensitive caring people. My parents felt that I’m a solitaire kinda person, I couldn’t express that I love them n care about them. Is it categorized as BAD?? How she is warm n caring, I can’t be that person. What I am?. Some of my friends thought that I’m too damn perfectionist for being in looking for husband material, such as good personality incl. personal properties such as wealthy, physically n that must be A list matters in common. I’m not material girl/woman. I’m NOT!. I just want my freedom, I hate being 24hr/day 7days/week 12month/year 365days/year being watch by the one who love me. NOT that much, I don’t need that much n complicated invisible spider’s web he strings around me. I don’t like to be tied that heavy. Ternyata dia bales gw, klo dia jg ga keberatan klo gw off krn kesibukan gw, *hah.. masa sih, soalnya dulu dia pernah panic gitu gara-gara gua lagi flu berat shg ga bales n jawab telp nya*. Perlahan-lahan dia mulai berubah nih, tapi beberapa hari kemudian dia tetep mellow lagi. Huuu… he asked me whether I’m really like him n that I don’t get bored for this long distance relationship. Oh no, apa dia butuh perhatian yg lebih? Si Brooklyn aja yg beda species aja klo kangen ma gw sampe’ menjijikkan gitu (kemana-mana ngikutin gua, ndusel2 ga karuan, menatap dengan matanya yg besar full pupil mode on… meski Cuma merayu minta makan friskies!). so compare to him, the one who has feeling n brain, its possible he wants more. But, my bro as other comparison, told me that he never been kissed with his gf. Hahahhaa… what a journal. I don’t mean that I need that or want that (now, that it was restricted in my religion), but several people who make this close relationship must be want more attention about showing off more evidence of the feeling.

“Kamu yakin. Kamu masih betah dan tahan tuk seperti ini?”

I’m still don’t know how to answer the question, ‘coz I don’t know u ask it for u or for me?.

I can resist that n those pretty boys n other devils, so how about you?. It seems both of us start to blame n unbelieving each other. Or both of us don’t want each of us wasting our time in uncertainly condition.

I have to admit that I’m still not sure about us. But I’m not in the mood of looking for someone who MORE… than you.

He asked me that why I’m not looking 4 a doctor as my husband

Weird question, I told him that I’m kinda rebellious, I’d like to break the law that engineer must be with medicine people as couple. Lagi pula keteknikan gw jg ga murni banget, cm gua ambil praktisnya aja dlm segi berpikir analitis, klo soal logika kadang masih pake perasaan jg hehehehee.. SEBELLL.. gw jd sensi deh huhuhuuu…

Then, I change the subject, lama-lama bisa naik darah gw klo dia Tanya soal hal-hal sensitive seperti how strong your feeling about me. Gw nanya aja gimana hari2nya tanpa gw (maksudnya sms n telp gw lagi masalah selama beberapa hari). Dia bilang klo dia lg mules, biasa skt perut. Mungkin tidurnya kemaleman atw dia lg stress. Kemudian dia mulai berbunga-bunga lagi, bilang klo gw lagi pergi sendirian ke tempat yg romantis tanpa dirinya, ga usah merasa sedih, karena hatinya ada padaku. Maksud lo?? Hahaha..

Terus dia cerita soal kepindahan kantornya ke kota kecil nun jauh disana tapi asyiknya kantornya deket ma rel kereta dan tower bts, jadinya fren jelasss banget, hubungannya ma rel kereta apa ya?? .. dia agak bete sih karena kerjaannya terasa membosankan, gw bilang aja klo bosen sekalian aja buka sewaan ps atau apa kek biar displaynya ga’ sia-sia. Hahaha.. dia malah mengucapkan terimakasih atas kedodolan dan asbun opinion gw, dia bilang jd cwo gw bikin smua masalahnya ringan (ya iyalah ngapain dibawa mikir tlalu dalem, klo dah ga cocok ya wis tinggalin aja. Klo tetep stuck in the problem ntar malah sakit ndiri ga sebanding ma gaji yang diterima). Ternyata perhatian n saran gokil dia bisa bikin hidupnya lebih berharga, sama jg dengan cara bertindaknya yg proaktif ke ortu gw meski cm sekali jg buat gw ngerasa dia ga maen2. Tp banyak kok cwo yg ga maen2 ma gw, krn gw angelic narcist hahaha.. Waktu gw nelpon bwt nanya persiapan kepindahannya ternyata dia gi makan ma sohibnya, gw ngerasa rikuh aja abis dulu gw kan pendiam n pasif banget dalam hubungan social makanya ditolak mentah-mentah jadi anak IPS kekekkkkeekkk.. dia bilang klo pengen “I just want to say I lv U” tapi ga enak karena ada temennya itu… hijjhh dasar tukang bikin ge er. Mayan buat bunga tidur.. keesokan sorenya dia nelpon (akhirnya dia nelpon selagi dia masih kerja) buat ngilangin kantuk ,, tuh kan manjur kan resep biar ga ngantuk adalah nge-blog, chatting, liat fs dan check milis atw browsing blog org… selain itu bisa jg nelpon orang yg deket ma kita. Dijamin bablas ngantuknya. Abis itu gw telp n dia gi happy. Mmmm… lets its flow…